It's that time of year. You know which one. When we all start resolving to do things. Making resolutions and such. I've never liked making New Year's Resolutions, and the very few I ever did make I (as you can guess) never kept. In fact, I have some troubles with resolve in general. Always have. Call it indecision. Or apathy. I don't know. It's difficult for me to make absolute decisions and to stick with them. I'm more than happy to go with the flow, live with the status quo.... for the most part, anyway. Now and then I get into a place where something is just so off that I make a decision and stick to it, finally. I may be at such a place right now.
It's been a tough few weeks on the personal front. All things writing aside. I'm fighting against a little despair monster that's nibbling at my fingertips, waiting for the right moment to take my whole hand and drag me under. Trying to deal with a sadness and stress I haven't had to deal with in a long time, coupled with changes at work. Sometimes when something else is going on in my head, the usual little things I'd normally put up with seem a whole lot bigger. I can't figure if my job is asking more of me than I ever wanted to give, or if my family crisis is taking so much from me that there isn't much left to give - to work, to writing, to anything. I can feel a familiar dark space creeping up on me. A place I left a long time ago, but that pops up now and again in the form of an irrational bad mood that I at once recognize and rectify. But I'm afraid if I give into the emotion - if I let go of my apathy and cool exterior - I'll slip too far, into more than a mood, into something not easily rectified.
I'm afraid I won't be able to comfort the one person who needs me because I can't handle my own emotions.
And while this home life battle is raging in my head, it's compounding on the difficulties of losing one job and having to start all over new. Different people, different place. Completely different atmosphere. In a field I told myself two years ago I didn't want to continue in. Yet here I am. When I found out I was losing my job, the sheer panic of being unemployed and not being able to pay our bills launched me headfirst into this new position with a new company, but doing essentially the same thing. Just in a bigger place, with a faster pace, and more demands. Did I make the right choice? I thought I wanted to write more, try to get published? What am I doing here? Can I handle this? I've never been a quitter. I want to keep my word. In my interviews I said that although there'd be an adjustment period, there wouldn't be any problem. I'm adaptable, I said. I go with the flow. That's always been true. So why now is the flow threatening to drown me? I can't figure if I'm unhappy just because I'm unhappy, or if I'm unhappy because this job and me just aren't a good fit.
So I'm at that place where I want to scream and cry and pull my hair out and have someone else make the best decision for me, except no one can decide for me. I'm at that place I get sometimes where I just have to resolve to do something. Have to make the decision. But it's so easy to do nothing. Much easier than holding yourself accountable for anything.
Like it or not, I have to keep the job for now. Not much choice there. Bills have to be paid. And in my podunk little corner of the country, there aren't a lot of "hiring" signs. At least not at places that will pay me what I need. And without a driver's license, I'm even more limited. So unless it becomes really unbearable, I'll be staying put for a bit. But I can at least try to do something about the rest of my life. So I need to get on track with a few things in 2009. Once I find my resolve, I'll be using it to:
* Stop putting so much weight in other people's opinion. Know my own strengths and my positive qualities as a person, and believe in them first, before anyone else.
* Take care of myself, phsyically, emotionally, psychologically, etc.
* Get that damned license!
* Write more often. Write with purpose. Write with passion.
* Get tons of query letters out!
* Never take one day with my family for granted. Appreciate everything, and everyone, in my life while I still have them to appreciate.
* Be happy. :-)
29 December 2008
08 December 2008
The Good, The Bad, and The Who Cares??
I can't seem to get above a once-a-month frequency in my posts lately. :-) But here I am again. Let's start with
The Bad - Cancer and Bankruptcy!
Yes, cancer. Not me, thank goodness, but in my family. Found out the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and it's been a tough couple weeks since then. Literally the day after this diagnosis, I found out the company I work for had filed for bankruptcy. Jobless by New Year's! Fabulous.
The Good - Luck and Writing!
I caught a lucky break and just happened to be in the store last week when another store manager came by saying she needed to hire an Assistant. I filled out the application and handed her my resume that afternoon, interviewed that evening, and again two days later with the District Manager. Now I'm just waiting on all the background and reference checks and hopefully I'll have an offer this week!
Also, although I haven't been writing much the past two weeks, I HAVE started my erotica novel! I've got a couple chapters down, a basic plot (which is what I was struggling with to begin with) and I'm having tons of fun with it. To Call Home is still at a bit of a stalemate on Authonomy (ranked 169) but I haven't been plugging it much. However, I've reached the #7 Talent Spotter ranking! It's pretty cool. Hopefully if I can crack the top 5 in that and get my face on the homepage, then I'll get a few more readers.
The Who Cares?? - Naysayers!
Continuing with the topic of writing, Nathan Bransford blogged about Authonomy! I'm not saying 'who cares' to Nathan and his blog, of course! I don't get to it terribly often, but I really enjoy his blog. The 'who cares' is for some of the ridiculous commenters on that post. People who've never even used Authonomy bashing it, people bashing it because they didn't have the success they seemed to think they deserved, or because they weren't comfortable with the "game" aspect of it. Of course it's big on shameless self-promotion, but isn't querying the same thing? By simply sending your query to agents, aren't you essentially saying "read me! publish me! i'm fabulous!" ? Authonomy is no different. The comments on Nathan's blog were mixed good and bad - a few of us Authonomites managed to get in some good words. But overall.... if you don't like it, that's fine. No reason to call the rest of us who DO spend time there silly, and our writing trash. Just hush and get on with your life and we'll do the same.
The Bad - Cancer and Bankruptcy!
Yes, cancer. Not me, thank goodness, but in my family. Found out the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and it's been a tough couple weeks since then. Literally the day after this diagnosis, I found out the company I work for had filed for bankruptcy. Jobless by New Year's! Fabulous.
The Good - Luck and Writing!
I caught a lucky break and just happened to be in the store last week when another store manager came by saying she needed to hire an Assistant. I filled out the application and handed her my resume that afternoon, interviewed that evening, and again two days later with the District Manager. Now I'm just waiting on all the background and reference checks and hopefully I'll have an offer this week!
Also, although I haven't been writing much the past two weeks, I HAVE started my erotica novel! I've got a couple chapters down, a basic plot (which is what I was struggling with to begin with) and I'm having tons of fun with it. To Call Home is still at a bit of a stalemate on Authonomy (ranked 169) but I haven't been plugging it much. However, I've reached the #7 Talent Spotter ranking! It's pretty cool. Hopefully if I can crack the top 5 in that and get my face on the homepage, then I'll get a few more readers.
The Who Cares?? - Naysayers!
Continuing with the topic of writing, Nathan Bransford blogged about Authonomy! I'm not saying 'who cares' to Nathan and his blog, of course! I don't get to it terribly often, but I really enjoy his blog. The 'who cares' is for some of the ridiculous commenters on that post. People who've never even used Authonomy bashing it, people bashing it because they didn't have the success they seemed to think they deserved, or because they weren't comfortable with the "game" aspect of it. Of course it's big on shameless self-promotion, but isn't querying the same thing? By simply sending your query to agents, aren't you essentially saying "read me! publish me! i'm fabulous!" ? Authonomy is no different. The comments on Nathan's blog were mixed good and bad - a few of us Authonomites managed to get in some good words. But overall.... if you don't like it, that's fine. No reason to call the rest of us who DO spend time there silly, and our writing trash. Just hush and get on with your life and we'll do the same.
12 November 2008
Snazzy Dialogue III: Using Dialogue to Differentiate Characters
Oh my gosh, it's been ages since I had a Snazzy Dialogue post! I'll try to do better, I promise. If you haven't make sure you read Part I, and Part II. Here's the next installment, and I hope it makes up for the huge amount of time I've been absent from the blog.
As I’m embarking on new writing projects and editing older ones, I continue to scrutinize my dialogue. The main characters in my current projects are very different women, and they all have different ways of speaking, which brought me to this current post about using dialogue to differentiate characters.
In my critique group, an old member had a few characters who were very similar in terms of race, class, socioeconomic background, education, etc. She was struggling with how to differentiate them, how to make each one unique from the other. One possible way, I think, is through dialogue.
One way to do this is through the content of the character’s dialogue, and using that to express the different personalities, desires, and goals of the characters. For example, having a character simply saying the things that make them different from other characters. However, you can run into the problems of using dialogue too much for exposition, and also being too obvious with the dialogue. What I want to discuss today is the more subtle way to differentiate characters simply by their manner of speaking.
For example, I have two characters in To Call Home who are similar in many ways. Charlotte and Lora are the same age, grew up together in the same town, both white females, similar socioeconomic standings, etc. But you can see the differences when they speak to each other. Charlotte has a tendency to avoid difficult questions through silence or circumlocution. Lora gets straight to the point, asking lots of questions and giving blunt answers. Here’s a small excerpt of an argument between the two girls.
Lora put a hand on her shoulder. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re freaking me out a little bit. I’m sorry if it makes me sound like a jerk, but you weren’t even this…crazy—” (she winced when she said it) “—right after your mom died. What’s going on now?”
Charlotte shrugged, exaggerating the movement of her shoulders and slumping her chin to her chest.
“I don’t know what I should tell you. What I can tell you.”
“It’s fucking me you’re talking to,” Lora whispered. “That shouldn’t even be a question in your mind.”
But it was. She couldn’t help it.
“I don’t have anything useful to say right now. I just don’t even know what words should be coming out of my mouth. But please don’t leave right now, okay? Please?”
The content of the dialogue isn’t as important as the manner in which the girls speak to each other. You can see Lora’s dominating personality in the way she asks questions plainly, and doesn’t hesitate to potentially insult her friend by calling her crazy. Charlotte, on the other hand, can’t give a simple answer to anything at this point. She talks a lot here, but doesn’t actually answer Lora’s questions. These two interact like this a lot, no matter what they’re talking about. And it’s much more interesting to see the conversations and relationships develop this way, instead of having Charlotte and Lora say the exact feelings behind the dialogue, which would read something like this:
“You were really depressed and confused after your mom died, but that was three and a half years ago. Why are you still being so immature and evasive?” Lora asked.
Charlotte stared at her. “Because I think I’ve fallen in love with Steven, who you don’t know is our new English teacher. Sorry I didn’t tell you about that sooner.”
“Your summer fling is our new teacher? Crazy! But what’s so bad about falling in love?”
“Since my dad was a rat bastard, I have it ingrained in my subconscious that all men will eventually hurt me.”
“Oh. Makes sense.”
Yeah, not very interesting. Maybe a little funny, but that’s not what we’re going for. We want subtlety.
Very briefly, since this post is getting quite long, I’ll mention a couple other things that go along with differentiating characters through dialogue. You can use speech impediments or catch phrases to make characters unique. You can use a style of speech - more formal, a lot of vernacular, etc. Charlotte doesn’t hesitate to say things like “Jesus!” or “Christ!” But there are other characters who wouldn’t say that. I know a lady from work who always says “How ’bout it?” in her thin, gravelly voice. It makes me laugh. It would make for a great catch phrase for just the right character. These are all just little ways we can use dialogue to add further depth and dimension to our characters.
As I’m embarking on new writing projects and editing older ones, I continue to scrutinize my dialogue. The main characters in my current projects are very different women, and they all have different ways of speaking, which brought me to this current post about using dialogue to differentiate characters.
In my critique group, an old member had a few characters who were very similar in terms of race, class, socioeconomic background, education, etc. She was struggling with how to differentiate them, how to make each one unique from the other. One possible way, I think, is through dialogue.
One way to do this is through the content of the character’s dialogue, and using that to express the different personalities, desires, and goals of the characters. For example, having a character simply saying the things that make them different from other characters. However, you can run into the problems of using dialogue too much for exposition, and also being too obvious with the dialogue. What I want to discuss today is the more subtle way to differentiate characters simply by their manner of speaking.
For example, I have two characters in To Call Home who are similar in many ways. Charlotte and Lora are the same age, grew up together in the same town, both white females, similar socioeconomic standings, etc. But you can see the differences when they speak to each other. Charlotte has a tendency to avoid difficult questions through silence or circumlocution. Lora gets straight to the point, asking lots of questions and giving blunt answers. Here’s a small excerpt of an argument between the two girls.
Lora put a hand on her shoulder. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re freaking me out a little bit. I’m sorry if it makes me sound like a jerk, but you weren’t even this…crazy—” (she winced when she said it) “—right after your mom died. What’s going on now?”
Charlotte shrugged, exaggerating the movement of her shoulders and slumping her chin to her chest.
“I don’t know what I should tell you. What I can tell you.”
“It’s fucking me you’re talking to,” Lora whispered. “That shouldn’t even be a question in your mind.”
But it was. She couldn’t help it.
“I don’t have anything useful to say right now. I just don’t even know what words should be coming out of my mouth. But please don’t leave right now, okay? Please?”
The content of the dialogue isn’t as important as the manner in which the girls speak to each other. You can see Lora’s dominating personality in the way she asks questions plainly, and doesn’t hesitate to potentially insult her friend by calling her crazy. Charlotte, on the other hand, can’t give a simple answer to anything at this point. She talks a lot here, but doesn’t actually answer Lora’s questions. These two interact like this a lot, no matter what they’re talking about. And it’s much more interesting to see the conversations and relationships develop this way, instead of having Charlotte and Lora say the exact feelings behind the dialogue, which would read something like this:
“You were really depressed and confused after your mom died, but that was three and a half years ago. Why are you still being so immature and evasive?” Lora asked.
Charlotte stared at her. “Because I think I’ve fallen in love with Steven, who you don’t know is our new English teacher. Sorry I didn’t tell you about that sooner.”
“Your summer fling is our new teacher? Crazy! But what’s so bad about falling in love?”
“Since my dad was a rat bastard, I have it ingrained in my subconscious that all men will eventually hurt me.”
“Oh. Makes sense.”
Yeah, not very interesting. Maybe a little funny, but that’s not what we’re going for. We want subtlety.
Very briefly, since this post is getting quite long, I’ll mention a couple other things that go along with differentiating characters through dialogue. You can use speech impediments or catch phrases to make characters unique. You can use a style of speech - more formal, a lot of vernacular, etc. Charlotte doesn’t hesitate to say things like “Jesus!” or “Christ!” But there are other characters who wouldn’t say that. I know a lady from work who always says “How ’bout it?” in her thin, gravelly voice. It makes me laugh. It would make for a great catch phrase for just the right character. These are all just little ways we can use dialogue to add further depth and dimension to our characters.
17 October 2008
Rejection Time!
I sent out three e-mail queries yesterday. Before I even got a chance to post my super-excited blog about it today, I got my first rejection! It was just a simple form rejection, but don't worry, I'm not all torn up over it. I pretty much expected it. Even for writers way better than myself, it's a long and hard process. I'm just excited to finally get into the game.
Speaking of writers way better than me, my husband hates when I mention them haha. He told me one of the most irritating things about me is when I downplay my talent, or rave on and on about other people's talent like they're so much better than me. He loves me anyway, so of course he think's I'm just the best. But I think he's been sneaking peeks at my manuscripts on the computer too. Which is flattering, since I don't think anything I write is the kind of stuff he'd usually be interested in reading. It's not that I think I'm no good.... I just think a little humility goes a long way. No sense getting all big-headed and acting like an ass. But just for my wonderful hubby, here's me in a rare moment of self-appreciation:
You know, sometimes I see it. When a reader comments that something I wrote had exactly the impact I intended it to have, I see it. During those times when I sit down to edit my manuscript and end up getting caught up in my own story all over again, I see it. The flash of genius. The Am I any good? meeting the Yes, I am. I think I'm pretty talented, if I do say so myself.
Now c'mon, agents, do you see it too?
Speaking of writers way better than me, my husband hates when I mention them haha. He told me one of the most irritating things about me is when I downplay my talent, or rave on and on about other people's talent like they're so much better than me. He loves me anyway, so of course he think's I'm just the best. But I think he's been sneaking peeks at my manuscripts on the computer too. Which is flattering, since I don't think anything I write is the kind of stuff he'd usually be interested in reading. It's not that I think I'm no good.... I just think a little humility goes a long way. No sense getting all big-headed and acting like an ass. But just for my wonderful hubby, here's me in a rare moment of self-appreciation:
You know, sometimes I see it. When a reader comments that something I wrote had exactly the impact I intended it to have, I see it. During those times when I sit down to edit my manuscript and end up getting caught up in my own story all over again, I see it. The flash of genius. The Am I any good? meeting the Yes, I am. I think I'm pretty talented, if I do say so myself.
Now c'mon, agents, do you see it too?
11 October 2008
Charlotte, Confessions, and Disney World
My my my! It's been quite a while since my last post. To Call Home is complete, as I already told you. I've compiled a list of agents to query. I've got a query letter ready. I went to Disney World last week on vacation, and now that I'm back, I'll be sending out my first query this week! I'm so excited to get my first rejection haha. I hope I get more than a bunch of rejections, of course, but I'm realistic. It takes better writers than me lots of time and lots of query letters to land an agent and a deal, so I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
During the two-hour plane ride to Orlando, I actually got a little bit of writing done on Confessions of a Non-Believer. But even as I'm writing that one, I'm bombarded by scene ideas for my erotica novel, which as of yet has almost no plot, no working title, no nothing except a main character named Marisol. But still, I'm even thinking Marisol's story could turn into a series. Me, write an erotica series? haha. Never thought I'd be able to say that with a straight face.
I think I might start writing the erotica one even as I'm working on Confessions. I found that hard to do while finishing up To Call Home, but I think that was more to do with the fact that one is third person POV, past tense, and the other is first person POV, present tense (why, why, why am I writing first-person present when I've heard so many times that agents hate it??? haha). But Confessions and Marisol's story will both be first person, one present and one past tense. I think I can do it without too much difficulty. Besides, Marisol won't quit giving me crazy ideas about who she wants to sleep with and where.....
But anyway, for your reading pleasure, To Call Home is posted on Authonomy in its entirety. Confessions of a Non-Believer is still in progress, obviously, but the first 5 chapters are also on Authonomy. Search for them by title, or search for me as J. Lea Lopez or live2write.
During the two-hour plane ride to Orlando, I actually got a little bit of writing done on Confessions of a Non-Believer. But even as I'm writing that one, I'm bombarded by scene ideas for my erotica novel, which as of yet has almost no plot, no working title, no nothing except a main character named Marisol. But still, I'm even thinking Marisol's story could turn into a series. Me, write an erotica series? haha. Never thought I'd be able to say that with a straight face.
I think I might start writing the erotica one even as I'm working on Confessions. I found that hard to do while finishing up To Call Home, but I think that was more to do with the fact that one is third person POV, past tense, and the other is first person POV, present tense (why, why, why am I writing first-person present when I've heard so many times that agents hate it??? haha). But Confessions and Marisol's story will both be first person, one present and one past tense. I think I can do it without too much difficulty. Besides, Marisol won't quit giving me crazy ideas about who she wants to sleep with and where.....
But anyway, for your reading pleasure, To Call Home is posted on Authonomy in its entirety. Confessions of a Non-Believer is still in progress, obviously, but the first 5 chapters are also on Authonomy. Search for them by title, or search for me as J. Lea Lopez or live2write.
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