Time To Steam Things Up

So guess what revelation came upon me last night?

I think I should try writing erotica.

Really. Contrary to this post and this post, I think it could work out really well for me. Here's my logic (because there IS logic behind this seemingly bizarre decision):

I wrote a scene for my book that someone told me was verging on erotica, but in a good way. I was surprised at the time, but didn't think anything of it. But now that I've thought more about it, maybe I could write erotica. It makes sense on many levels. First, I should always be trying to push my boundaries as a writer. I should be reading and writing as many different types of things as I can. It can only make me better at my craft. And nothing is further from my comfort zone than writing erotic fiction.

Second, I've already be complimented on an erotic scene. So I should be able to write more, right? I must have at least some scintilla of talent there. This ties very closely to the third level of logic: there's so much BAD erotica out there, that if I really do have an iota of talent I should be able to get a short story or poem or two published somewhere, be it a print mag or an online zine.

Fourth, and most important, if I can get a couple things published in reputable mags, whether it's erotica or not, that can only help when it finally comes time for me to start querying for my novel.

Now all that's left is the courage to start. :-) We'll see how it goes.

.....and the other shoe falls

As much as I love Agent Query Connect, it is not without its pitfalls. The critique group I belonged to has broken up, and though a few of us from the group have created a new one, we've lost one of the members I respected most. The specifics are unclear and upsetting, but I'm seriously disappointed in.... well, in a lot of things.

Let me speak for myself.

As a writer, the things I write are very personal to me. I put a lot of myself into every story I write. When I receive criticism regarding my writing (even the most well-intentioned and accurate criticism), it's very easy to take it all personally. It's easy to look for the personal faults or flaws in the person doing the critiquing. It's easy to go on the attack.

What's difficult is sorting through the words for the facts. For the valid points. What's hard is acknowledging that what I've written is by no means perfect. Realizing that someone else's criticism is not a reflection on my character as a human being, only a reflection of their opinion about what I've written. And though it should be easy, the hardest part can be realizing that even the criticism that seems unfair or harsh is mine to take or to leave, to do with what I will; I don't have to let it get to me.

I believe that under no circumstances is it acceptable to attack a person's viewpoints or ideas, beliefs, profession, integrity, etc. because I don't like the criticism they've offered me in a constructive setting. It is certainly never acceptable to attack a person publicly, by name, on a personal level, after that person has tried to diffuse the situation. EVEN IF I feel my points are valid and justified. EVEN IF I feel my sources are trustworthy. EVEN IF I feel the personal attack is somehow relevant to the original issue - a critique of my writing that I didn't like.

It's just not acceptable. It's unfortunate. It's childish. It doesn't solve anybody's problems. As a writer who seeks always to be truthful, fair, original, and always pushing the boundaries of my knowledge, I hold myself to a higher standard than that. I wish others would do the same.

I've not done any of the things I stated above, nor do I know for sure that anyone has. Like I said, the specifics are unclear and upsetting. I suspect it has much to do with fragile egoes and petty politics. But I hope we've all learned our lesson.

Why I Love AQC

I'm in a private critique group on Agent Query Connect and I love it. As serious as we all our about our writing and about giving each other constructive feedback, we still manage to keep it fun. Some of our crazy little tidbits:

Addismac writes: "The craft I'm on right now is a boat that's adrift, directionless and windless. My life preserver is this group. " AND "This writing thing has me whimpering like a new born puppy taken from his mommy, its eyes not open and squirming away in the wrong direction. "

Thrownbones writes: "Oh, and I burn a lamb in a sacrifice, before I start a new book. Weird, huh?" (funny guy!)

Elana writes: "I also wrote a totally lame MG novel about elves. No one will ever see it. Ev-er."

And when Robb posed the question of why we (writers) so often write ourselves into corners, this is the countdown we came up with:

• Reason #10: everything else is on TV. (hkelley)
• Reason #9: "it's a balls-on thrill ride, writing yourself into a corner, because we all know how great it feels when we figure the way out. That "oh YEAH!" moment. It's kind of like "the thrill of the chase" (thrownbones)
• Reason #8: "Writing wouldn't be nearly as fun in a round room, now would it? Rather write myself into corners than in circles....I think?" (me)
• Reason #7: Medication has become unaffordable. (robb58)
• Reason #6: someone has to keep the theory alive that the earth really is flat. (addismac)
• Reason #5: Sleep is overrated. So is making dinner... (elanajohnson)
• Reason #4: because robb would make an awful math teacher. (thrownbones, after robb goofed on the numbering of our list)
• Reason #3: because actually following an outline would be so BORING. (hkelley)
• Reason #2: because werds iz funz. (thrownbones)
• Reason #1: Because writers are all just a little "touched" in the head and although we write ourselves into that corner and can clearly see the door there, or the window, or the jackhammer that could tear the whole room down, it is the words that own us, not logic, and they demand that we never take the easy way out. (me)

Park Reflections

The first really great day of the season. And not just short-sleeves-no-coat warm, but flip-flops-and-shorts warm. By 6pm, the sun is mostly obscured by a thin veil of white, but the majority of the sky is still bright blue.

It still seems strange to have so many more hours of daylight, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself after work. It seems a shame to waste the light by sitting in front of the television screen or computer monitor.

The park is buzzing today. Voices of a cheerleading group in the amphitheater. The clack-skritch-clack of roller hockey. Since NHL playoffs have just begun, I imagine the boys are imitating their heroes - perhaps Ovechkin in pursuit of Lord Stanley's Cup. There's the distant smack of softballs into gloves as a group of kids learn to wind up and pitch underhand. I can't hear them from where I am, but a school group is holding a tennis match across the way, and a group of younger kids is learning the basics of flag football.

Even the gnats and other tiny-winged things - plentiful around my bench in front of the freshly mulched bushes - are not so bad. They're a nice change from the nearly insectless winter which, to tell the truth, wasn't horrible either. We never did get a big snow, and at this point I've given up hope. Even after some of the crazy winters recently passed, I have no doubts that mid-April is beyond the likely window of blizzard opportunity. Now I'm left waiting patiently for the true warmth of summer, when I can retire my coat to the closet for a few months.

Not yet, though. Tomorrow's supposed to be cold.

Battling the Demons

So I've been workshopping chapters from my manuscript with a critique group on the Agent Query site. I've gotten tons of feedback, some positive, some negative. A big negative being the "immaturity" of the MC and the overall voice. Not to mention some plausibility snags related to that. Ouch, right?

Right. But I'm afraid I've let it all go to my head a little too much. I keep dwelling on the negative critiques, despite the positive ones. I'm beating myself up. Trying to change too much. Over analyzing every word. I've almost convinced myself that the whole manuscript - all 76,000 words of it - should be tossed in the garbage can. Not that I'd ever do that, though, because I'm a bit of a hoarder when it comes to my writing, haha.

So instead, I'm going to take a short break from the AQ site and just get back to the story, really get in the mindset I need to be in to make it shine. I need to find my confidence again, my critical eye, my love of Charlotte (the MC in the book) and her story. I just need to get that back and stop telling myself I'm not good enough.

A little tangent (that is definitely helping with my confidence some): I've networked with another writer on AQ and he wants me to be his editor! He's got a great manuscript, from what he's already posted on the site, and I was flattered and thrilled when he asked me, of all people, to be his editor. Even though I've never edited anything (professionally, that is) in my life. But he saw something in my critiques that made him think we'd be a good author-editor fit. And I think he's right. This is probably the most exciting thing to happen to me in quite a while. Getting paid to read? How much better does it get?

And I think I'll end this depressing blog on that happy note. Yay for me!