Then there's Marisol. I think Marisol could be my big ticket. I was sitting down to gather my thoughts the other day (I need to sort out my ideas and figure out which book they belong to. I'm thinking there will be at least 3 books in the series!) and wrote a nice little blurb to sum up the first book. It goes something like this:
With her sexy roommate Zane knocking on her bedroom door, a boss who likes a bit on the side, and the rest of Philadelphia's men to conquer, Marisol is having too much fun to worry about climbing the fashion industry's ladder. But when her boss's philandering ways cost him his co-designer and fashion show coordinator, under-achieving Mari must rise to the occasion. While pressures mount at work, Zane tests her boundaries in bed with an endless supply of techniques, locations, and partners.Sounds like fun, right? Besides, show me another erotica novel with a bilingual, half Puerto Rican, sexy size 14 main character who enjoys porn, fashion, football, ice hockey, and safe sex? And oh yeah, to top it off, she loves all things British (especially Dr. Who), blogs about sex, and will try just about anything once. Mari is crazy. CRAZY, I tell you! If she doesn't land me an agent somehow, somewhere, I might as well stop writing.
So anyway. Back to Charlotte and whether to put her away. I'm reluctant to do it. That's my baby. Plus, I'm not sure if my newfound "acceptance" of her non-publishability is just me being honest and market-savvy, or if it's just me being scared to go for it. Because let's face it, I haven't exactly been querying my pants off. Less than 10 queries, pretty much all form rejections. But I know writers who have queried 20, 40, 50 or more agents for one project, and keep on trucking. Am I just backing out because I'm afraid? Could be. It's a bit of a tendency of mine. All bravado in words, but coward in action.
Is it that whole fear of failure thing? Or fear of success? Fear of owning up to who and what I am and really living it every day, out loud, and not just in cyberspace? I don't know. I like to think I'm being smart and unemotional by looking at the black and white facts. I find that as I continue writing and starting new projects, the quality of writing is getting better and better. And no amount of revision can really bring Charlotte up to that level. Or can it? It could be that I'm just afraid of all that hard work. Or impatient. I want to move on and really immerse myself in these new projects, but a big part of my time is being spent worrying about whether Sorry's Not Enough is in the best possible shape. Is my revising really finished? Is there something I could do better? I've even toyed with the idea of splitting it up into two books again, which would require major overhauling, and writing about 50,000 new words to make the second half long enough for its own book.
I've been working on it for so long now, maybe it just needs a long rest while I work on something else. I tried to set it down - and managed to do that - for a while. But it was only a few weeks. Maybe it should be a few months or more.
Am I just being a lazy coward? My crit group likes it, and the few friends who've read it like it also. But that doesn't mean an agent will love it enough to rep it. Maybe I should stop rambling about it on my blog and make a decision. I'll let you know as soon as I make it.